you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
