I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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