After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
