census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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