we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
