Me too!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
