and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
