someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Ladies don't puke and tell
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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