I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i think my cat just said my name.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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