bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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