If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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