He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
