Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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