Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
