Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
it glows. i had to have it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
