yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
