hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
