What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
