bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
