So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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