I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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