he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
