She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
