Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
