Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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