Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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