Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
