And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
