Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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