He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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