sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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