Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
