I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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