Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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