Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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