Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
