I swear she didn't look like that last week.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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