you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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