I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
