i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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