I just made out with a guy for $7.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
false alarm, still single
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
