it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
love makes seman taste better
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
