YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
