the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
