I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
