Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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