I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
