Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
