did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
