Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
