I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
