You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
