low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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