Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
