Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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