Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
