I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
