Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Two words: nipple clamps
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