Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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