I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
