K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
