M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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