YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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