I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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