JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
